so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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