Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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