Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
