I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
