John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
