her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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