hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
