This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
