She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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