she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
