In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize