1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When are your genitals available?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
