watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
