Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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