He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
are you so shy because you have an std?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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