Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I supernannyed him into submission
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
