were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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