kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
