After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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