If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
