our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How naked do you want me to be?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
