Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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