she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
