Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
