He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
