the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think your dad took our porno
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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