TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize