It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
