Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
