she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Lo siento on account of my penis...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
