all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize