I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
