omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
