He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
