I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
