In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
