lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He did a backflip because drugs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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