Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
