Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
