I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Princesses don't give blow jobs
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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