For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
