Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Panties = found
Randomize
