Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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