Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
pop tarts are not kleenex
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
