I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
