I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
