I bet he comes in French.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i dont even know how to be here
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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