i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
