There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
