yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
