we made out on top of his cat.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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