i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
