You really coming over, don't trick.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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