If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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