So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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