You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
