Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
