well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
