brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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