I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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