Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
