I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
