Sry I called you an 8
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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