omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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