buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
