watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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