Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
