Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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