his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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