she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
